31 Pieces of Advice from a 31 Year Old to Her 18 Year Old Self
Hey, everyone !
Yes, you're reading it right. This post will be in English. Well, yes, it's because I already made a French version. but still. Hahahaha !
In my last post, I wrote a letter to my 18 year old self as a celebration of my birthday. I sort of mentioned probably making an English version. Well, I am actually doing so now. Hahahaha !
I do hope you enjoy this little epistolary post. In any case, how rare is it now for me to write in English. Haha !
**
Dear Alexis,
First of all, happy
birthday to you...to us, actually.
Maybe, you’d be surprised
to read this little letter...or okay, maybe not. After all, you and I, we both
love to do this, to write little pieces of our hearts in letter form. Maybe,
receiving a little note such as this one isn’t so astonishing. I don’t know.
You know what? I think
about you often. I think about your eyes, sparkling with so much hope and
optimism. I think about those hands, empty of anything to offer, really, except
for boldness and the belief that you could change the world. I also know those
butterflies in your stomach as you enter this new world of adulthood. How you’d
love to have a guide, someone to help you get a grip with this new phase of
your life. This is exactly why I’m writing to you.
Okay, so maybe it’s too
late. In reality, you’d never have the opportunity to read these little pieces
of advice, verbal breadcrumbs to guide you to a better Alexis (or at least, a
happier Alexis). Still, why not. You know we can be stubborn like that.
I’m going to now
dispense this advice randomly.
1. You know that staunch, almost stubborn determination you have to just be yourself ? Keep that. That's right; it's actually a good thing. Go ahead and sing. Write. Stay as hungry for great books and music that makes you reflect. Oh, and why not. Live two years of your life in heels, even at home. The longer you live, the longer you realise that putting on this mask of normalcy is nothing but tiring and the only way to walk this road of life is as yourself. Plus, hey, this assures you that the friends you'd have in life would be real.
2. Never lose the sparks of your youth. If you find a joke really funny, then laugh. Go ahead. Imagine and create stories no matter what your age is. Dance if a song you like plays on the radio. Antoine
de Saint-Exupéry once said that adults were once children although, some don't remember it. Don't be like those who don't remember anymore. Don't let yourself die day-by-day.
3....At the same time, accept that sometimes, to grow up, you need to get out of your comfort zone. I know. you're the type of person who actually doesn't mind routine. You'd rather choose what is sure. However, trust me. The caterpillar can not transform into a butterfly without some risk, without looking into itself for its ability to change and without flying for the first time. So, go ahead. Do one new thing at least every week, whether it's joining a certain competition or trying a new dish or simply telling that fashionable girl you're riding the train with that her dress is lovely. I know. Just thinking about it makes your heart skip a beat. I will tell you that you'd grow to love that feeling.
4. Appreciate more the time you spend with your friends. Enjoy those moments of crazy laughter whenever you talk to your classmates about whatever nonsense is in your brains. Enjoy those afternoons with your girl friends trying out make-up and cute dresses. Enjoy all the cups of coffee drunk as you scrutinise that boy trying to get with one of your almost sisters. Really, enjoy every single second of these moments. One day, it will blindside you on a Wednesday night eating dinner how busy everyone has been. In the future when those weekly hang outs become monthly, then quarterly, you'll look back at these simpler times and you'll realise the value of the sheer presence of those you hold dear.
5. Not everyone who enters your life is meant to stay. Life changes. Time always clothes itself in mysteries. There will be people who will leave to pursue their paths in other countries. Some people, you'll get less and less close to, like two lines on divergent tangents. And yes, there are some who wear masks and aren't at all who they project to be. The important thing is to appreciate those people in your life when they're there. Oh, and to stay kind.
6. Stay kind. Never forget the impact of touching gestures. Of all people, you know its power after being bullied in high school and subsisting on the encouraging words of your teachers. If you notice something special and lovely in someone, don't hesitate in telling them. Go ahead and give someone a present just to show them your appreciation. Most of all, though, try to understand those people surrounding you. You know very well that many times, the best gift you can give to someone is simply letting them know that you're listening. You can give exactly the same.
7. Try to understand your parents. I know. For an 18 year old girl, that's probably one of the hardest things to do. You still think them making you come home from your friend's birthday party at 11 pm is way too much. Trust me, though. All they want is to protect you. It's been proven that they'd move mountains for you if needed. But yeah, maybe you wouldn't understand that until you're 27. Too bad !
8. Get to know your parents more. Go ahead and listen to your Dad's stories of when he was a musician. See Paris again with them through little anecdotes of their life in the City of Lights as a couple. Play all those songs that remind your Dad of great musical souvenirs. Yes, your parents are actually cool, and yes, you already know this. I just needed to reiterate it.
9. In your life, you're going to meet different kinds of people. You'll become friends with radio DJs and celebrities. You will interview some of the top business leaders in your country and you'll go to parties with some of the journalists you grew up respecting. You'll also meet some of the most dedicated teachers ever, giving of everything --- including their own money --- to teach the next generation. You'll meet some fellow choir members who'd sacrifice their free time at night and their sleep to earn for their families. May they all be equal in your eyes and may your regard on them never be influenced by money or power.
10. Never underestimate the value of listening. You'll know that most often than not, all someone needs is a pair of ears that hear and open arms that accept them as they are. In a world of rejection, be their refuge. After all, you know very well this need to be understood.
11. There is nothing wrong about being sentimental and mushy. I know. Those people who love boldly and hard are normally called crazy. It's become practically the nature of the world to put walls up against other people. Sadly, that becomes worse and worse. This is exactly why you should love boldly and show your appreciation for someone, Go ahead and write your flowery letters and give those gifts. Or, simply, tell it in person. You never know how these little gestures can change someone's day.
12. Real beauty has nothing to do with the face or the body, but with the mind and mostly, the heart. Yes, you already know that.
13. "There is beauty in the concrete if you see it with your heart," Tavares said in one of their hits. It is true, you know. Even in the most ordinary or mundane of object lies beauty. And yes, they did say that every cloud has a silver lining. So, don't let appearances deceive you.
14. ...Oh, and by the way, it also applies to yourself. You are not as ugly as you think you are. Do you have any idea what nice features you have ? You have expressive eyes full of hope, a gorgeous smile that even photographers love, and confidence in every step. I know that all that seems difficult to believe. Trust me; I know every sigh when your pants no longer fit. I know those tears when you started having to wear large-sized tops. Believe me, though, when I say that you're beautiful.
15. Take care of your health. Yeah, yeah, you're only 18 and very far from the age when the body normally starts to slow down and deteriorate. Still, if you continue in this path, you're going to start feeling worse and worse with every year. Just so you know, yes, I feel way better now at 31 than I did at 24, and it's in large part thanks to a lifestyle change. So, yes, start replacing those two ice creams or desserts a day with fruit. Try some vegetables; they aren't as disgusting as you think. Exercice and don't forget the sunscreen. Try to sleep for at least seven hours. Oh, and if you can, diminish your coffee consumption....something I still need to do now, I admit.
16. I specifically ask you to take care of your teeth. For some reason, you'll get known by your smile. So, take advantage of that. No, that doesn't mean you must be a toothpaste model. All you need to do literally is to smile. You see, as people grow older and older, the less and less they feel like smiling -whether it's because of all the stresses of life or because they do it to look aloof and pretend to be cool. This is exactly, though, why you can't let anyone steal your smile. You have no idea how contagious it'll be. So, yes, brush those pearly whites and floss.
17. For crying out loud, don't get your hair straightened ! I know that it's tempting. Everyone --- from the hairdresser to random girls in high school to some passerby -- practically pressures you to lose the curls. Yes, I also know the struggle of trying to make it look less leonine. Trust me, though, that it won't be worth not being able to put it up in a ponytail. Besides, it will just go back to wavy after four months. So what if your hair will never be considered fashionable. Your hair is part of what makes you unique.
18. No, you will never look like those Hollywood stars...but you will look like yourself. That's more than enough.
19. The perfect life doesn't and will never exist. Nothing and no one is perfect. That's just how the world works. However, a happy life, that, that exists. That's what you should strive for. Part of that is to keep smiling and to choose to be happy when things are far from perfect.
20. Don't worry. You'll find that no problem is ever solved by panicking and wallowing in anxiety. In fact, worry is like running on a treadmill: You'll exert so much effort, but at the end of the day, you still ended up nowhere. You can use that energy for something worthier.
21. Be patient. If something or some milestone --- money, friends, love, anything --- doesn't come at the time you want it to, relax. Sometimes, it's just a question of the right time. Sometimes, you need to be ready and prepared for it first before receiving it. In any case, waiting is important. It's there you develop the right character to become enriched. Remember that a fruit that was forced to ripen will never be as sweet as one that was allowed to develop in its proper time. Oh, and once you learn this kind of patience, don't hesitate to teach me.
22. Life isn't a race. If someone seems to be ahead of you in an aspect of their life --- love, career, experiences --- it's okay. Remember that flowers don't always bloom at the same season. Maybe, you're already blooming in one area, but you're too busy noticing what parts still aren't in bloom. For now, cultivate your perfume, those things that make you special.
23. It's great to plan. It makes everything more effective and organised. So, yes, I give you full permission to make your lists and have those little plans for the future (Yes, that includes those outfit plans.). It's great too to have a vision for your life. Be intentional with your actions towards others because you never know when they have to leave your life.
24....But at the same time, don't plan too much. Don't be so rigid that there isn't room anymore for those spontaneous, life-changing moments. In my 31 years, I could tell you that some of the most magical moments of my life are actually those opportunities I never expected. I've already made a friend just because I decided to help out her mum in a library. I've already gone to a gig of an amazing jazz group when I only found out about it the very same day. Oh, and yes, the part-time writing gig I got for a major daily was because I read their announcement for an open call for writers while having breakfast and thought, why not, let me shower and go there. Stay open for these little moments of surprise.
25. Don't be blinded by money or power. There are a million things way more important. Don't get me wrong. Money is important to buy your needs. I also don't find anything wrong with saving up to buy a new pair of shoes and maybe some stationery. What I don't want you to become is a slave of money. They do say that money can't buy happiness, and it's true. What good is money if you've alienated everyone ? Money can't buy health either, which is why you hear of millionaires suffering at the end of their days in hospital, too sick because of stress. Between purchasing power and contentment, you know what to choose.
26. Maybe, you'll get married. Maybe, you won't. Maybe, you'll have children. Maybe, you won't. Honestly, even now at 31, I still don't know. What I am sure of is that just because you're single, it doesn't mean you have to be lonely. It's just a matter of refocusing your eyes from your lack of a partner to what you do have. Okay, so you don't have a boyfriend, but you're surrounded by family and lovely friends who love you as you are. You are quite talented, well-educated and hardworking (if it'something that interests you, that is). There is a flame of passion burning in your eyes and in your heart. Love, it'll come. For now, though, don't let being single stop you from happiness.
27. See the value in your education. Perhaps, if I had one regret, it'd be the fact that I didn't take school seriously and took my university education for granted. That's a bit of a travesty considering many kids in your country can't even afford to stay in high school, let alone uni. So, yes, study well. Ask your professors all your questions. See that there is joy in learning despite it being sometimes hard.
28. Don't complain. If things do not fall into place as you've planned, breathe and let it go. Like worry, complaint is nothing but a waste of energy and thought space. Accept that there are things beyond the reach of your control, and it isn't worth it to be angry about it.
29. Don't judge people too quickly. Many times, the first impressions you have of someone turn out to be wrong. You have no idea how many times it has happened. The wiser choice is to let time reveal just the kind of person you are looking at.
30. Don't be afraid of growing older. In fact, be proud of your age. It's a fact of life that your hair will whiten, your skin will sag, and you'd lose that energy little by little. However, with each candle you add to your birthday cake is another year of life, another year of new experiences, of new wisdom, of laughs, of new friends, and of the simple privilege of breathing and waking up to new opportunities and blessings. So, no, don't hide your age. Shout it out. Shout that you are still alive.
31....but again, sunscreen.
Again, happy birthday to us.
Kisses,
Alexis
5. Not everyone who enters your life is meant to stay. Life changes. Time always clothes itself in mysteries. There will be people who will leave to pursue their paths in other countries. Some people, you'll get less and less close to, like two lines on divergent tangents. And yes, there are some who wear masks and aren't at all who they project to be. The important thing is to appreciate those people in your life when they're there. Oh, and to stay kind.
6. Stay kind. Never forget the impact of touching gestures. Of all people, you know its power after being bullied in high school and subsisting on the encouraging words of your teachers. If you notice something special and lovely in someone, don't hesitate in telling them. Go ahead and give someone a present just to show them your appreciation. Most of all, though, try to understand those people surrounding you. You know very well that many times, the best gift you can give to someone is simply letting them know that you're listening. You can give exactly the same.
7. Try to understand your parents. I know. For an 18 year old girl, that's probably one of the hardest things to do. You still think them making you come home from your friend's birthday party at 11 pm is way too much. Trust me, though. All they want is to protect you. It's been proven that they'd move mountains for you if needed. But yeah, maybe you wouldn't understand that until you're 27. Too bad !
8. Get to know your parents more. Go ahead and listen to your Dad's stories of when he was a musician. See Paris again with them through little anecdotes of their life in the City of Lights as a couple. Play all those songs that remind your Dad of great musical souvenirs. Yes, your parents are actually cool, and yes, you already know this. I just needed to reiterate it.
9. In your life, you're going to meet different kinds of people. You'll become friends with radio DJs and celebrities. You will interview some of the top business leaders in your country and you'll go to parties with some of the journalists you grew up respecting. You'll also meet some of the most dedicated teachers ever, giving of everything --- including their own money --- to teach the next generation. You'll meet some fellow choir members who'd sacrifice their free time at night and their sleep to earn for their families. May they all be equal in your eyes and may your regard on them never be influenced by money or power.
10. Never underestimate the value of listening. You'll know that most often than not, all someone needs is a pair of ears that hear and open arms that accept them as they are. In a world of rejection, be their refuge. After all, you know very well this need to be understood.
11. There is nothing wrong about being sentimental and mushy. I know. Those people who love boldly and hard are normally called crazy. It's become practically the nature of the world to put walls up against other people. Sadly, that becomes worse and worse. This is exactly why you should love boldly and show your appreciation for someone, Go ahead and write your flowery letters and give those gifts. Or, simply, tell it in person. You never know how these little gestures can change someone's day.
12. Real beauty has nothing to do with the face or the body, but with the mind and mostly, the heart. Yes, you already know that.
13. "There is beauty in the concrete if you see it with your heart," Tavares said in one of their hits. It is true, you know. Even in the most ordinary or mundane of object lies beauty. And yes, they did say that every cloud has a silver lining. So, don't let appearances deceive you.
14. ...Oh, and by the way, it also applies to yourself. You are not as ugly as you think you are. Do you have any idea what nice features you have ? You have expressive eyes full of hope, a gorgeous smile that even photographers love, and confidence in every step. I know that all that seems difficult to believe. Trust me; I know every sigh when your pants no longer fit. I know those tears when you started having to wear large-sized tops. Believe me, though, when I say that you're beautiful.
15. Take care of your health. Yeah, yeah, you're only 18 and very far from the age when the body normally starts to slow down and deteriorate. Still, if you continue in this path, you're going to start feeling worse and worse with every year. Just so you know, yes, I feel way better now at 31 than I did at 24, and it's in large part thanks to a lifestyle change. So, yes, start replacing those two ice creams or desserts a day with fruit. Try some vegetables; they aren't as disgusting as you think. Exercice and don't forget the sunscreen. Try to sleep for at least seven hours. Oh, and if you can, diminish your coffee consumption....something I still need to do now, I admit.
16. I specifically ask you to take care of your teeth. For some reason, you'll get known by your smile. So, take advantage of that. No, that doesn't mean you must be a toothpaste model. All you need to do literally is to smile. You see, as people grow older and older, the less and less they feel like smiling -whether it's because of all the stresses of life or because they do it to look aloof and pretend to be cool. This is exactly, though, why you can't let anyone steal your smile. You have no idea how contagious it'll be. So, yes, brush those pearly whites and floss.
17. For crying out loud, don't get your hair straightened ! I know that it's tempting. Everyone --- from the hairdresser to random girls in high school to some passerby -- practically pressures you to lose the curls. Yes, I also know the struggle of trying to make it look less leonine. Trust me, though, that it won't be worth not being able to put it up in a ponytail. Besides, it will just go back to wavy after four months. So what if your hair will never be considered fashionable. Your hair is part of what makes you unique.
18. No, you will never look like those Hollywood stars...but you will look like yourself. That's more than enough.
19. The perfect life doesn't and will never exist. Nothing and no one is perfect. That's just how the world works. However, a happy life, that, that exists. That's what you should strive for. Part of that is to keep smiling and to choose to be happy when things are far from perfect.
20. Don't worry. You'll find that no problem is ever solved by panicking and wallowing in anxiety. In fact, worry is like running on a treadmill: You'll exert so much effort, but at the end of the day, you still ended up nowhere. You can use that energy for something worthier.
21. Be patient. If something or some milestone --- money, friends, love, anything --- doesn't come at the time you want it to, relax. Sometimes, it's just a question of the right time. Sometimes, you need to be ready and prepared for it first before receiving it. In any case, waiting is important. It's there you develop the right character to become enriched. Remember that a fruit that was forced to ripen will never be as sweet as one that was allowed to develop in its proper time. Oh, and once you learn this kind of patience, don't hesitate to teach me.
22. Life isn't a race. If someone seems to be ahead of you in an aspect of their life --- love, career, experiences --- it's okay. Remember that flowers don't always bloom at the same season. Maybe, you're already blooming in one area, but you're too busy noticing what parts still aren't in bloom. For now, cultivate your perfume, those things that make you special.
23. It's great to plan. It makes everything more effective and organised. So, yes, I give you full permission to make your lists and have those little plans for the future (Yes, that includes those outfit plans.). It's great too to have a vision for your life. Be intentional with your actions towards others because you never know when they have to leave your life.
24....But at the same time, don't plan too much. Don't be so rigid that there isn't room anymore for those spontaneous, life-changing moments. In my 31 years, I could tell you that some of the most magical moments of my life are actually those opportunities I never expected. I've already made a friend just because I decided to help out her mum in a library. I've already gone to a gig of an amazing jazz group when I only found out about it the very same day. Oh, and yes, the part-time writing gig I got for a major daily was because I read their announcement for an open call for writers while having breakfast and thought, why not, let me shower and go there. Stay open for these little moments of surprise.
25. Don't be blinded by money or power. There are a million things way more important. Don't get me wrong. Money is important to buy your needs. I also don't find anything wrong with saving up to buy a new pair of shoes and maybe some stationery. What I don't want you to become is a slave of money. They do say that money can't buy happiness, and it's true. What good is money if you've alienated everyone ? Money can't buy health either, which is why you hear of millionaires suffering at the end of their days in hospital, too sick because of stress. Between purchasing power and contentment, you know what to choose.
26. Maybe, you'll get married. Maybe, you won't. Maybe, you'll have children. Maybe, you won't. Honestly, even now at 31, I still don't know. What I am sure of is that just because you're single, it doesn't mean you have to be lonely. It's just a matter of refocusing your eyes from your lack of a partner to what you do have. Okay, so you don't have a boyfriend, but you're surrounded by family and lovely friends who love you as you are. You are quite talented, well-educated and hardworking (if it'something that interests you, that is). There is a flame of passion burning in your eyes and in your heart. Love, it'll come. For now, though, don't let being single stop you from happiness.
27. See the value in your education. Perhaps, if I had one regret, it'd be the fact that I didn't take school seriously and took my university education for granted. That's a bit of a travesty considering many kids in your country can't even afford to stay in high school, let alone uni. So, yes, study well. Ask your professors all your questions. See that there is joy in learning despite it being sometimes hard.
28. Don't complain. If things do not fall into place as you've planned, breathe and let it go. Like worry, complaint is nothing but a waste of energy and thought space. Accept that there are things beyond the reach of your control, and it isn't worth it to be angry about it.
29. Don't judge people too quickly. Many times, the first impressions you have of someone turn out to be wrong. You have no idea how many times it has happened. The wiser choice is to let time reveal just the kind of person you are looking at.
30. Don't be afraid of growing older. In fact, be proud of your age. It's a fact of life that your hair will whiten, your skin will sag, and you'd lose that energy little by little. However, with each candle you add to your birthday cake is another year of life, another year of new experiences, of new wisdom, of laughs, of new friends, and of the simple privilege of breathing and waking up to new opportunities and blessings. So, no, don't hide your age. Shout it out. Shout that you are still alive.
31....but again, sunscreen.
Again, happy birthday to us.
Kisses,
Alexis
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